Safari, you’re great. You and I hang out all the time and since you got that update that stops the random crashing, we’re getting along great. Much better than I ever did with Firefox, that crazy ‘render your page a little differently every time your reload’ bitch.

Thing is, I maxed out my MacBook Pro with 4GB of RAM. That RAM was for me so that I can do important work, like running you and Windows, and Ubuntu, and OmniGraffle and Fireworks and Photoshop all at the same time. And I know we’ve got this whole ‘what’s mine is yours what’s yours is mine’ thing, but moving your fat arse into 700 MEG of my new RAM? That’s way more than cheeky; you’re being unreasonable.

You have to learn to share this machine with some other programmes. They’re not as pretty as you, and some of them are way too demanding, and I know that Adobe Updater keeps telling me to quit on you; he’s a total dick. But please, stay calm and play a little nicer with everyone.

Also, stop eating my cookies.